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Sure, if you're dying of a terrible disease, you can go to a hospital for treatment with modern medicine, but some people still like the idea of using herbs to clear up a sucking chest wound. Now, this isn't to say a Fleshlight is an unpleasant experience. Back in the day, you wouldn't dare touch your precious genitals with your sinister devil's paw. The basic goal of a Fleshlight was to make a vagina into a handheld device. an idea that will get exponentially creepier the more time you devote to thinking about it. Just a cacophony of churning, rumbling gears, and actuators slouching along towards Jizzrael. When you're drunk at 2 a. Thanks for connecting.

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The existential sadness of anyone claiming that a disembodied rubber vag-sleeve is better than having sex with another person is something no Cracked columnist can dare take on without some serious alcohol to fuel the poetic ennui that will follow. I'm not saying there's anything inherently sexy about ham. But did it improve it. It's hard to beat the good cheer brought about by your own hand. Don't make me do this again.

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Continue Reading Below. Maybe your beanbag chair sprung a leak and has an appropriately-sized orifice barfing beans in your room. The basic goal of a Fleshlight was to make a vagina into a handheld device. an idea that will get exponentially creepier the more time you devote to thinking about it. So we can agree that masturbation probably first happened with a bare hand -- probably well before the s, if you can believe it. Sure, maybe you could buy the Bullet home smoothie-making kit and use it a few times, but for the most part, you're just filling a plain old cup with vodka and drinking that. Unlock all the features.

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